Ha visszagondolok, volt abban valami perverz
gyönyörűség -ezen címszó alatt talán az egyetlen egy, betegségem jó három
esztendeje alatt-, hogy bottal se piszkált volna meg senki, és az állandó,
egész testemre kiterjedő fájdalom miatt magam is irtóztam magamhoz érni.
Mintegy másfél esztendő veszett el az életemből,
amiről nem sűrűn tudok számot adni. Csak a legszükségesebb teendőim
végeztem el, azokat is nem egyszer üvöltve a fájdalomtól. Tehettem ezt
nyugodtan, nem volt velem senki, és egyetlen lehetséges létformámat a pc-vel
való együttműködés jelentette.
Ha ki tudtam totál kapcsolni az agyamban a testem
érzékelését, azzal, hogy valami full lekötötte a figyelmem, és nem mozogtam,
sikerült megmenekülnöm a szenvedés elől.
AZ "élvezetet" pedig az jelentette, hogy
nemcsak küllemem "szabadult meg" női mivoltától, hanem a lelkem is a
női szerepektől, és a szellemem pedig ezernyi, -ezekkel járó-, elvárás
teljesítésének kényszerétől.
Legbelül valahol mélyen fájt ugyan, hogy azok az
álmok, amiket eszmélésem óta hordozok, de igazán, -első emlékképeim erről 4-5
éves koromból származnak-, már sosem teljesülhetnek, de a tudatom kiütésével
ezen fájdalom elől is sikerült úgy-ahogy elbújnom.
Mondtam magamnak; oké Kat, ez egy ilyen élet
volt: voltál lány, asszony, elvált nő, szültél gyereket, voltak
szexuálisan intenzív, és absztinens periódok, csináltad kényszerből és tetted
payfree, néha még azt is elhitted, hogy szerelmes vagy, sőt azt is elhitetted
magaddal, hogy viszont szeretnek. Mit akarsz még? Béke poraidra, nyugodj
békében...
És ezzel nagyjából felejtős volt a dolog, ha
mégis akaródzott ezzel a topiccal bíbelődnöm, megfelelő teret kínált hozzá a
blogírás, a verseim gatyába rázása.
Szívem vérzik, mert ez utóbbival mostanság jócskán elmaradott vagyok, de az új projektem az elmúlt két hónapban felemésztette összes energiám...
A date-side-os regisztrációim még a betegségem előtti periódból származnak.
Mikor legmélyebben voltam a gödörben próbáltam
likvidálni is őket, de basztak törlődni a regisztrációim :) Habár,
tulajdonképp jókat vigyorogtam néha-néha, mikor nyomorúságos porhüvelyemben
átfutottam a before-fotóimnak címezett szexi-bárgyú texteket.
Utáltam egy littlebit a pasikat, és lapoztam. Az
applikációimnak köszönhetően ugyanis minden mozgásról értesültem a
gmail-boxomban,
Így nem csoda, hogy felért egy
szívbombával, mikor idén, a "szökőnapon" azaz február 29.-én látnom
kellett, hogy szemeimnek igen tetszetős, magas, öltönyös, english gentleman
like-olta fotómat.
Nem bírtam ellenállni a kísértésnek, beléptem,
visszalájkoltam, és válaszoltam is neki, habár az egészet csak
"nyelvtanulás" című projektem számlájára írtam.
Ittam egy pohárral, és gyors ráákentem a
nyuszira.
Az egészben a legfurcsább az volt, hogy mindez
anyósom halála után egy héttel történt, mintha az ő távozásával most (akkor)
kerültem volna ki a "Schneider" család kötelékéből...
You liked Dave's photo.
Thx
20:35
thats my really scruffy photo lol
20:36
I like it You are such, as Peter O" Tole . Man
of La Mancha. To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
20:44
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star
22:24
reminds me of the honda adverthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WN6a0cSf78I
22:26
This is my favorite song, and the advertisement is
well characterized this situation Oh, I am falling in love with you now, in
(on?) this minute! But it's so hard!! (Sometimes a poor migrant , than I (or
me?), to be able to dream about something greatful thing. )
23:27
2016-03-01
I wish you were falling in love with me now, I think
you are gorgeous, I would be on the way to you so I could be your Don Quixote
de La Mancha!
And why is it hard to think about falling in love? x
And why is it hard to think about falling in love? x
08:31
Álmodni a lehetetlen álom
08:43
keep checking to see if you have replied
15:17
OH, my God! I will try it, but I cannot to give to
you an egzact, full answer in english language. I cannot to answer an egzact
answer to myself ALSO in hungarian language. Well, this is my answer for you;
There is in my heart a little secret room, closed with lost key, and in this
key-closed, little room have been sitting somebody, and I dont know her name.
And she had waiting for somebody, since beginning of time. May be, She is an
actress, but who has not a role. She has not space and time of hers love. She
is, who loves you. May be, she was a gorgeous girl in at once, the
nowhere-country, but my body in this shadow-world, in this time already, only a
body of a sad, and tired, and very-very old, and ill woman, What can I do with
you, my prince of dream? Absolutely nothing, it is the brutal truth
17:55
ahh thats so sweet, and you never know what you can
do with me till you try
18:06
would you like to try? x
22:00
23:38
This was a catty question...
23:42
2016-03-02
didnt mean to be catty and you have excellent taste
in music, my fav dire straights one is romeo and juliet
12:00
Sorry you feel sad and tired, but you look lovely to
me, I meant it when i said you were falling in love with me, I would be in
heaven in your arms x and you are not far away
12:01
you ok?
22:25
All righ, it was not a catty question.
But if you are going to throw down to the dark canal the star of Milky way, I will have a lot of ugly questions; (Who are you? What is your name? What is your job? What do you want of me really? What/ Who do you search on this site?)
I dont belive it, that you belive in it, what i wrote to you. You mean that is only a joke. May be…
You Wrote; I am near, but between a dream and a concret partnership there is huge distance, and your tempo to me quick! Where is the "haeven" of East Midlands? Is there in Derby or in Burton on Trent? O.k. perhaps it is in my arms
Benefit of this conversation,that I'm learning the language. I work with the sentences, i try to express myself correctly. it is also hard I have been living in U.K. since october of last year, and I arrived from other galaxy...
But If I will say; oh yes, i should like to try with you what will you doing in this situation?
My heart was been easy up to now, you were a projected archetype, who suddenly rang, and I only gave him ansvers, but you started an other game
… But may be I started it
But if you are going to throw down to the dark canal the star of Milky way, I will have a lot of ugly questions; (Who are you? What is your name? What is your job? What do you want of me really? What/ Who do you search on this site?)
I dont belive it, that you belive in it, what i wrote to you. You mean that is only a joke. May be…
You Wrote; I am near, but between a dream and a concret partnership there is huge distance, and your tempo to me quick! Where is the "haeven" of East Midlands? Is there in Derby or in Burton on Trent? O.k. perhaps it is in my arms
Benefit of this conversation,that I'm learning the language. I work with the sentences, i try to express myself correctly. it is also hard I have been living in U.K. since october of last year, and I arrived from other galaxy...
But If I will say; oh yes, i should like to try with you what will you doing in this situation?
My heart was been easy up to now, you were a projected archetype, who suddenly rang, and I only gave him ansvers, but you started an other game
… But may be I started it
23:15
No, i am not OK...
23:16
2016-03-03
I can help with your english construction if you
would like,?
08:48
(Who are you? What is your name? What is your job?
What do you want of me really? What/ Who do you search on this site?)
My names David xxx,, I am 54, I work for an american firm fixing datacentres and monitoring internet links all computer networking stuff, What i want of you is a lover, partner friend soulmate, someone to laught with cry with be with, and that was why I joined the site
My names David xxx,, I am 54, I work for an american firm fixing datacentres and monitoring internet links all computer networking stuff, What i want of you is a lover, partner friend soulmate, someone to laught with cry with be with, and that was why I joined the site
08:51
I dont belive it, that you belive in it, what i
wrote to you. You mean that is only a joke. May be…
I dont believe that people have a choice in some things, if a couple are good together and attracted to each other and they can talk as we do then love can grow quickly, I am attracted to you and I like talking to you how do you feel?
I dont believe that people have a choice in some things, if a couple are good together and attracted to each other and they can talk as we do then love can grow quickly, I am attracted to you and I like talking to you how do you feel?
08:53
You Wrote; I am near, but between a dream and a
concret partnership there is huge distance, and your tempo to me quick! Where
is the "haeven" of East Midlands? Is there in Derby or in Burton on
Trent? O.k. perhaps it is in my arms
You are physically near yes, but I agree a dream and real life are two things. it may seem i have a fast tempo, but I cant help being attracted to you And heaven would be in your arms yes.
You are physically near yes, but I agree a dream and real life are two things. it may seem i have a fast tempo, but I cant help being attracted to you And heaven would be in your arms yes.
08:57
But If I will say; oh yes, i should like to try with
you what will you doing in this situation?
Trying with you, to make you smile and happy
Trying with you, to make you smile and happy
08:58
My heart was been easy up to now, you were a
projected archetype, who suddenly rang, and I only gave him ansvers, but you
started an other game
… But may be I started it
Maybe it was both of us that started but you were only expressing a dream, I was chasing after a gorgeous woman
… But may be I started it
Maybe it was both of us that started but you were only expressing a dream, I was chasing after a gorgeous woman
08:59
Are you Mac xxx ?
A celtic, or a saxon? May be a norman? I shall write later, at night, to you
17:51
Saxon please derived from Old English meadow
or forest clearing
18:20
miss you x
21:57
Excuse me, I cannot speak with you, because I write-
To You and
there are open twenty windows
22:18
missed you though
23:32
2016-03-04
I read your questions on the site. It is very
important";can the poligam soulmate drinks and drougs and makes sex with
multiple partners while she drives the car? "Yes, she can. It is a new
dimension! Dont worry, you are with me. The letter is ready. I shall copy it to
you or I write yet (by myself)
15:15
Auch! I dont forget! She better likes does/makes it,
if she hates her partners
15:25
And best makes it, if she wears a costume
15:29
Let it be. There is a letter from the past
15:36
Hi, Mr. Higgins,
my name is Elisabeth Do-little, I am the very attractiv flowergirl, or power-girl.
Wellcome,
on the Land of the PC-gurus (guruis?) My oldest son have been working, as a softvare architect (engineer?) (in Hungary), the third son (), he is a music-composer (with computer too) (In England.) I looked your facebook-profile; I saw, that I am the win, I have four sons.
my three sons live here, oldest stay on Hungary, in turn he is perfect speak in English.
I would like tell you, that never and nobody did not give me help, a cannot how to accept it. I have been learning the english solely with my computer. His name is Bendeguz.
I grown mine sons lonely through/during fiveteen years ...
Today first I try visualise, that you come into my personal area, but this idea is discomposes to me. It is not question, that do I love you? Yes, I am. All right. And?
But you dont knoWs the dark side, viciousness of my country. In those time ( 3-4 years before) when photos of twoo are made, I had been thinking, that my life will become easier, I will have a boyfriend also, than for anybody, but everything went wrong. I had been ill, I have been ill really, and I not only "feel it." I have SLE, and I did not receive health care at home. (?)Everything in Hungary as expensive as in England, but if you can not to work, the goverment give you fifty pounds/ Month. It was horror… we could send out only one person from Hungary in every year. In 2012 first son in 2013 second son, in 2014 third arrived to England. I am not a „beautifull girl", I am turboe zombie. Only my sons obtained to me medicinals in those period. Only it is reason of my „stayalive”. And last year finally I come out too. And I was very proud, that I got to myself NI number, NHS number, Account number and work experience, as a picker-packer, or no, I am warehouse operator And now, if you set foot into my life, and I looking into of yours mirror my everything turn into fog in this mirror... It is all right, I understand „basic work intructions” it will be sufficient near relationship between us also I will get enjoyable instructions at least to you Or will you wait for me every case through the nights so far as, I will combinate with my computer, what I want to say to you? And after all we shall repair the faulty formulas. It will be nice, very nice Until the time when I have been working on the computer and smokes, you play poker an/on other computer. My sons can connect to us, we have a lot of computers... True, I have not stubble on my face, but it may be in the future…
I read on your data card, that you search a thirty years old girl, or ninety years old matrona. Really? It is the biggest untruth.They are not all the same! Above fifty years we can looking for partner to death only. But dont worry! A sixty years man is able to stay sexy and charming, but for the beauti-full girl it is difficulter task
You would like make me happy, I am glad, but now I am feeling myself, like a girl- herring, whom somebody sprinkled with salt, but before he forgot to hit her head...
my name is Elisabeth Do-little, I am the very attractiv flowergirl, or power-girl.
Wellcome,
on the Land of the PC-gurus (guruis?) My oldest son have been working, as a softvare architect (engineer?) (in Hungary), the third son (), he is a music-composer (with computer too) (In England.) I looked your facebook-profile; I saw, that I am the win, I have four sons.
my three sons live here, oldest stay on Hungary, in turn he is perfect speak in English.
I would like tell you, that never and nobody did not give me help, a cannot how to accept it. I have been learning the english solely with my computer. His name is Bendeguz.
I grown mine sons lonely through/during fiveteen years ...
Today first I try visualise, that you come into my personal area, but this idea is discomposes to me. It is not question, that do I love you? Yes, I am. All right. And?
But you dont knoWs the dark side, viciousness of my country. In those time ( 3-4 years before) when photos of twoo are made, I had been thinking, that my life will become easier, I will have a boyfriend also, than for anybody, but everything went wrong. I had been ill, I have been ill really, and I not only "feel it." I have SLE, and I did not receive health care at home. (?)Everything in Hungary as expensive as in England, but if you can not to work, the goverment give you fifty pounds/ Month. It was horror… we could send out only one person from Hungary in every year. In 2012 first son in 2013 second son, in 2014 third arrived to England. I am not a „beautifull girl", I am turboe zombie. Only my sons obtained to me medicinals in those period. Only it is reason of my „stayalive”. And last year finally I come out too. And I was very proud, that I got to myself NI number, NHS number, Account number and work experience, as a picker-packer, or no, I am warehouse operator And now, if you set foot into my life, and I looking into of yours mirror my everything turn into fog in this mirror... It is all right, I understand „basic work intructions” it will be sufficient near relationship between us also I will get enjoyable instructions at least to you Or will you wait for me every case through the nights so far as, I will combinate with my computer, what I want to say to you? And after all we shall repair the faulty formulas. It will be nice, very nice Until the time when I have been working on the computer and smokes, you play poker an/on other computer. My sons can connect to us, we have a lot of computers... True, I have not stubble on my face, but it may be in the future…
I read on your data card, that you search a thirty years old girl, or ninety years old matrona. Really? It is the biggest untruth.They are not all the same! Above fifty years we can looking for partner to death only. But dont worry! A sixty years man is able to stay sexy and charming, but for the beauti-full girl it is difficulter task
You would like make me happy, I am glad, but now I am feeling myself, like a girl- herring, whom somebody sprinkled with salt, but before he forgot to hit her head...
15:36
15:39
so you love me?
18:21
Hi Elisabeth Do-little,
It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Yes you win, I have one son and one daughter.
xxx and yyy
I would like tell you, that never and nobody did not give me help, a cannot how to accept it. I have been learning the english solely with my computer. His name is Bendeguz.
I can help and show you how you can accept help.
I grown mine sons lonely through/during fiveteen years ...
I have been lonely a long time too
Today first I try visualise, that you come into my personal area, but this idea is discomposes to me. It is not question, that do I love you? Yes, I am. All right. And?
So you love me now? is that how you feel? really deep down?
But you dont knoWs the dark side, viciousness of my country. In those time ( 3-4 years before) when photos of twoo are made, I had been thinking, that my life will become easier, I will have a boyfriend also, than for anybody, but everything went wrong. I had been ill, I have been ill really, and I not only "feel it." I have SLE, and I did not receive health care at home. (?)Everything in Hungary as expensive as in England, but if you can not to work, the goverment give you fifty pounds/ Month. It was horror… we could send out only one person from Hungary in every year. In 2012 David, in 2013 Daniel, in 2014 Bogdan arrived to England.
It sounds horrible, really hard life.
I am not a „beautifull girl", I am turboe zombie. Only my sons obtained to me medicinals in those period.
You are a beautiful person inside I can tell from what you write.
Only it is reason of my „stayalive”. And last year finally I come out too. And I was very proud, that I got to myself NI number, NHS number, Account number and work experience, as a picker-packer, or no, I am warehouse operator And now, if you set foot into my life, and I looking into of yours mirror my everything turn into fog in this mirror... It is all right, I understand „basic work intructions” it will be sufficient near relationship between us also
Yes we can get along with suffiecient instructions.
I will get enjoyable instructions at least to you
And yes my instructions would be better than work instructions, more intimate and enjoyable.
Or will you wait for me every case through the nights so far as, I will combinate with my computer, what I want to say to you? And after all we shall repair the faulty formulas. It will be nice, very nice Until the time when I have been
I can wait until you are ready if you want me to wait?
I read on your data card, that you search a thirty years old girl, or ninety years old matrona. Really? It is the biggest untruth.They are not all the same! Above fifty years we can looking for partner to death only. But dont worry! A sixty years man is able to stay sexy and charming, but for the beauti-full girl it is difficulter task
Yes but I just put a range of 30-90 my soulmate (you) had to be in there somewhere.
You would like make me happy, I am glad, but now I am feeling myself, like a girl- herring, whom somebody sprinkled with salt, but before he forgot to hit her head...
I would like to change that so you feel more alive and hopeful, xxx
It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
Yes you win, I have one son and one daughter.
xxx and yyy
I would like tell you, that never and nobody did not give me help, a cannot how to accept it. I have been learning the english solely with my computer. His name is Bendeguz.
I can help and show you how you can accept help.
I grown mine sons lonely through/during fiveteen years ...
I have been lonely a long time too
Today first I try visualise, that you come into my personal area, but this idea is discomposes to me. It is not question, that do I love you? Yes, I am. All right. And?
So you love me now? is that how you feel? really deep down?
But you dont knoWs the dark side, viciousness of my country. In those time ( 3-4 years before) when photos of twoo are made, I had been thinking, that my life will become easier, I will have a boyfriend also, than for anybody, but everything went wrong. I had been ill, I have been ill really, and I not only "feel it." I have SLE, and I did not receive health care at home. (?)Everything in Hungary as expensive as in England, but if you can not to work, the goverment give you fifty pounds/ Month. It was horror… we could send out only one person from Hungary in every year. In 2012 David, in 2013 Daniel, in 2014 Bogdan arrived to England.
It sounds horrible, really hard life.
I am not a „beautifull girl", I am turboe zombie. Only my sons obtained to me medicinals in those period.
You are a beautiful person inside I can tell from what you write.
Only it is reason of my „stayalive”. And last year finally I come out too. And I was very proud, that I got to myself NI number, NHS number, Account number and work experience, as a picker-packer, or no, I am warehouse operator And now, if you set foot into my life, and I looking into of yours mirror my everything turn into fog in this mirror... It is all right, I understand „basic work intructions” it will be sufficient near relationship between us also
Yes we can get along with suffiecient instructions.
I will get enjoyable instructions at least to you
And yes my instructions would be better than work instructions, more intimate and enjoyable.
Or will you wait for me every case through the nights so far as, I will combinate with my computer, what I want to say to you? And after all we shall repair the faulty formulas. It will be nice, very nice Until the time when I have been
I can wait until you are ready if you want me to wait?
I read on your data card, that you search a thirty years old girl, or ninety years old matrona. Really? It is the biggest untruth.They are not all the same! Above fifty years we can looking for partner to death only. But dont worry! A sixty years man is able to stay sexy and charming, but for the beauti-full girl it is difficulter task
Yes but I just put a range of 30-90 my soulmate (you) had to be in there somewhere.
You would like make me happy, I am glad, but now I am feeling myself, like a girl- herring, whom somebody sprinkled with salt, but before he forgot to hit her head...
I would like to change that so you feel more alive and hopeful, xxx
18:33
Ithink, that I really love you. It is not a joke.
23:33
23:33
"deep down"
23:34
good night
23:34
2016-03-05
hi lover, that was nice to wake up to x i want you
body and soul can you give me that?
08:42
Hello, My name is Katalin (E.) Nagy (at once)
14:17
hello sweetheart hows you today x
14:30
i am feeling myself, than somebody, who had been
living during last years only in her head, but now a man is fucking back her
soul into her body.( I am practicing the use of the preposition just.)
16:23
I look forward to fucking together, you showing me
the man I am, and me showing you the woman you are x
17:16
Oah, my lovely sledgehammer
17:36
17:37
I shall write to you, I dont want this horse
17:37
Me need the knight too, on the horse
17:38
i can be your knight my wonderful lady xxx
17:47
18:12
hows mt letter going? x
20:55
i keep thinking about you
22:41
its good, very good! but what do you think about me?
22:45
the answer blowing in the wind
22:49
only i write industriously what think about you
22:50
Dear Mr. xxx its not correct
22:51
you left me here, MR. xxx
22:58
22:59
It seems, if I am wish you, you cannot thinking
about me
23:01
Ok. I go to write your letter, and I am wery hungry.
I forget to eat, this love drive me crazy!!
23:03
sorry was asleep x look forward to reading your
letter to me and not mr xxx just david
23:39
and when i think about you i wonder what you are
doing and think about your arms around me
23:39
2016-03-06
ok, I will not say it, but sorry, my letter will be
delayed i
dont understand something, i need work with it
04:27
you dont speak about yourself nothin i need
understand to you by myself. it is like, than the decoding of dreams . You are
the poker-face
04:37
hi, dont spesk a lot about myself, i am boring,
today I am going to a bird show with my daughter, she buys and sells parrots.
|So taking her and 20 odd parrots across the country to Stafford to be there at
7 in the morning. Will be there most of the day, so hoping your letter will be
waiting for me when I get home, tonight. I love you (there I have said it now)
06:05
Are you boring?Honey Dave you forget, that you are
the only one english man ( in Derby ),
who talk to me for some mysterious reason and who use something secret
language. By the way I move solely pakistanis, turkis and kurdis. If you feel
it, that you are boring, contemplate yourself by my eyes. you as very
interesting as an Alien to me Just
you didnot migratein my tummy fo the time being (in your physical wraith. I
dont talk about in your spiritual wraith now . It is such us, than this song. )
16:24
16:24
and I am so sorry, but I cannot make a promise to
you ,that my letter will has made ( fucking english) untill tomorrow. I am wery
tired because I have not cat-root (valeriana) I sleep only through two hours.
My ill is so fine, i can operate every basic functions of my body with help of
drugs. Oaaah it is also fucking enjoyable I
"climbed up to the Wall." This term is means in my language; I go
haywire. The ungarisch say to his language; sweet-mother language. Language is
means also; tongue. Thusthe englihs is my sweet male tongue- language
17:11
only just got in and very tired too so i understand
i have work tomorrow so wont be on much x
21:13
Ok i hope you will tell me, if you will have some
freetime to love me again
23:20
2016-03-10
Please, come back. Miss you. It is really hurt.
Password; deep down.
02:05
02:26
I updated my photos. There is the peresent myself,
who loves you. My sunk past time isnt interesting...please think about it. I
dont want missing to you. I love you, and it is not necessary to lie either,
that you too...
02:59
2016-03-13
I see, the males there are here, on this rotten
fucking site, that they get comfortable feeling, in turn the females perhaps
want to turn into important. but I said to you, that I love you, and hated it
that you say to me that you too. I wanted to terminate a lying game. I didnt
wait for you, that you feel same way as i feel. You didnt become outlaws, and
dont belive that such sensores are installed to your soul as to mine. (Altough
you start to become to suspicious.) To behold to you (to me) it was like than
an detonation. You open my heart and my mind during one minute. And to play
with this emotions is a morbid thing. But ok. You are not a welfare
institution, i thought so i am the person,who need to protect herself. If I
would have done it with you what i thought, in this time I have bigger problems
even…
Altough now my biggest problem it is, that i cannot to do it, what i thought to take with you.
But í want to say to you that it is not worthy to you. To set fire the forest, and run away like a little kid. If I am completely indifferent by you, you stay here, only simple not talk to me, but you lost. I simple made to a presentation to you, when i talked about my dark thinkings. If you really „love me” you no sad „oh I am so tired,” and you have not underdone leave at once- I mean it… But it was single attempt, and i cannot belive, that the your punnishment, what give me, will be so hard. it is really hurt to me. Deep and down.
Altough now my biggest problem it is, that i cannot to do it, what i thought to take with you.
But í want to say to you that it is not worthy to you. To set fire the forest, and run away like a little kid. If I am completely indifferent by you, you stay here, only simple not talk to me, but you lost. I simple made to a presentation to you, when i talked about my dark thinkings. If you really „love me” you no sad „oh I am so tired,” and you have not underdone leave at once- I mean it… But it was single attempt, and i cannot belive, that the your punnishment, what give me, will be so hard. it is really hurt to me. Deep and down.
01:59
And what I need to do to now.?If I say every minute,
and every day, that I love you, when i will limite your independence, and i
will fierce / violent (this is a beautiful word), but If I will remain silent
when i willnot present, that truely love you. I said something bullshit. I ofen
talk about from bullshit. I want improve the thinks, but I only mess up
everything. I pique to you. I am sorry very much!! Excuse me, please. It will
be perfect Stockholm-syndrom. Amd only i am able to angry to myself. Ok i hate
myself. It is good?Now i amsufferring, or i have been sufferring than an
animal. it is good.who is a full fool, die.
22:20
Well, :) az egész közjáték egzactly két hétig
tartott, de a következményei beláthatatlanok.
Dear David eltűnt mint szamár a ködben, (habár ezt
akkor még nem tudhattam,) feltételezem, belegondolt mélyen, kevés híján
milyen játszmába keverte magát,
De a dolog ezen része csak az ő projektje.
Nekem az első következtetés, amit sikerült levonnom,
hogy óriási bullshit és tévhit volt, amibe fél évszázadon keresztül fetrengtem,
ti. létezhet őszinteség szerelmi kapcsolatban.
Kussolj, manipulálj, vagy szépen vigyorogj.
Második felismerésem szálai még messzibbre vezetnek,
ugyanis sikerült rálátnom egy új nézőpontból
angliai"státuszomra", amire -olybá tűnik-, kereslet mutatkozik.
Felráztam magam csipkerózsi-álmomból,
harci díszt öltöttem, és felnyomtam a site-ra egy adag frissen készített fotót,
spékelve a fiaimról készültekkel, azért kitessék, szándékaim tisztesek.
A vadász ült hosszú méla lesben csapdája mellett,
nem sejtve, hogy az áhított őzike helyett a kardfogú tigris érkezik...
Így ismerkedtem meg Phillel...
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